i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
