Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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