I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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