Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
