I puked a lego.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
