Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
