Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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