I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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