Don't make out with my wife yet
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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