we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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