Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
