just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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