i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
