I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't shave. On purpose
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
