Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
