Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
