Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
