We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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