All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
