And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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