nutella sex= disaster
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My breasts were aching with rage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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