saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
honey bunches of taint.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
