Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
