I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
