There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need water and some morals
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
