i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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