why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
