I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
