Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
