ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
