no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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