He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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