Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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