also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
