i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
