He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
