You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
