I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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