I'm lost and stupid without you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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