Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
