Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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