Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
