you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
