so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
