I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
