Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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