i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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