im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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