I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
