She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
