can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
