Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
