he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
