The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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